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\fancyhead[C]{14 February 2014 $\bullet$ Vol. II, No. 14} % Custom header text
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%\title{\vspace{-15mm}\fontsize{24pt}{24pt}\selectfont\textbf{Attractons \& Cupids: Effects of Prolonged Exposure to AR-Long}} % Article title
\title{\vspace{-15mm}\fontsize{24pt}{24pt}\selectfont\textbf{Effects of Prolonged Exposure to Heavy-Mass Attracton Particles}} % Article title
\author{
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\textsc{Brian Bugh}\\[2mm] % Your name
\normalsize Theoretical Academy of Probabilistic Eventualities \\ % Your institution
\normalsize \href{mailto:contact@brianbugh.me}{contact@brianbugh.me} % Your email address
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\begin{abstract}
\noindent Research has made great strides in understanding the interactions of the elementary particles \textbf{attractons} and the corresponding vibrational energy released triggered by collision with humans, measured as \textbf{cupids}. During standard field work, researchers discovered a test subject with atypical behavioral traits that produced much higher volumes of cupids in other subjects than had been previously measured in laboratory settings. Further research concluded that the traits of this subject produced an entirely new heavy-mass elementary particle, here referred to as \textbf{valentons}. This paper outlines the discoveries about the traits of this subject, the unique effects that these new particles produce, and an outline of how these new particles will affect the study of \textbf{attractons}, \textbf{cupids}, and \textbf{valentons} in future research.
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\begin{multicols}{2} % Two-column layout throughout the main article text
\section{Introduction}
\lettrine[nindent=0em,lines=3]{W} hile significant strides have been made in discovering the nature of \textit{attractons} and their correlated energy field measurement \textit{cupids}, very little has been understood about the long term exposure of high levels of \textit{cupids} on general subjects.
\par During standard research preparation for this study, subject AR-Long was discovered to produce substantially higher levels of attractons than average. This researcher was originally exposed to the effects of this subject during a field study in 2012, however, due to the brief nature of the exposure and the inability to reproduce these measurements, they were dismissed as an anomaly.
\par When AR-Long was reintroduced as a subject in the latest field studies, it was discovered that the attractons released by this subject appear to be of higher mass and volume than typical attractons, and therefore have a much higher production of cupids on all exposed subjects. It has now been demonstrated that the phenomenon observed in 2012 was not an anomaly.
\par These hypothetically higher mass attractons are henceforth referred to as \textit{valentons}. While AR-Long is the main subject of this study, the heightened effects of \textit{valentons} on the researcher and other subjects is the primary theme of this paper.
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\section{Measurement}
\par The Cupidic Sensitivity Imaging Array operates using a series of thermostatic valves. When a subject receives a dosage of attractons, the CSIA system measures the recipient's cupid uptake by opening and closing valves rapidly, causing thermal imaging to appear on a display behind the subjects.
\par In the field, typical attractons produce 0.01-3.85 cupids in subjects, whereas AR-Long's unique valentons produce \SI{3e5}-\SI{3e8} cupids.
\par Using a mass spectrometer, the mass of one attracton has been measured at 1.3 GeV, while the mass of one valenton is approximately 125 GeV. Subject AR-Long's mass was measured at 0.0521631226 metric tons at standard gravity using a field calibrated bathroom scale. With little more needed than napkin approximations, it is clear that the production of even one very high mass valenton from an average sized human is highly unusual.
\par Using a combination of the modified CSIA and atomic force microscopy, we produced the first human-visible image of valentons, shown here:
\\
\begin{figure}[H]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=0.35\textwidth]{hearts.png}
\caption{\label{fig:diagram}Valentons measured by the CSIA, captured with atomic force microscopy\protect\footnotemark}
\end{figure}
\footnotetext{Image source: YellowEleven, \href{http://yelloweleven.deviantart.com/art/My-Heart-Under-A-Microscope-112828974}{My Heart Under a Microscope}}
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\section{Behavioral Traits}
The subject AR-Long displays traits highly adapted to producing these higher mass attractons.
\begin{compactitem}
\item interest in and understanding of theoretical knowledge disciplines well outside of normative intelligence quotients
\item heightened willingness to expose emotional states typically considered to cause FACS 1C+2C+4B+5D+20B+26B in most other subjects
\item courageous yet thoughtful approach to new situations that may be dangerous or threatening to the subject's ego or emotional stability
\item physical phenotype traits traditionally considered by all genders to be highly attractive as selection methods for sexual proclivity, including what many subjects referred to in surveys as "a really great ass."
\item fluid and graceful range of motion during standard physical activities, in correlation with the beats per minute of ambient music
\item above-average desirability metric for this researcher's continued observation and regularly scheduled interactions, referred to as "dates" for the duration of this study
\end{compactitem}
\par This is a long list, but it is by no means complete. Each time AR-Long is observed, valuable new traits are discovered, which is proportionally correlated to an increased production of cupids in nearby subjects.
%------------------------------------------------
\section{Safety Measures}
Extensive safety measures were put into place preserve research objectivity and safety of all subjects during exposure.\footnote{Despite these safety measures, the author has had long-term exposure to AR-Long, which produced a significantly higher than average dosage of cupids. It is the author's opinion that this exposure does not affect the objectivity of this study.}
\par While no significant danger has been observed as a result of exposure to this subject's specialized traits, the subject will continue to be studied for long-term side effects by this researcher. Should any additional traits be exposed, this researcher will report them in future papers.
%------------------------------------------------
\section{Exposure}
In order to test the effects these behavioral traits have on others, multiple subjects were exposed to AR-Long for periods of time ranging from three minutes to three months.
\par All subjects exposed to AR-Long for any time period reported the following symptoms:
\begin{compactitem}
\item light-headedness
\item high blood pressure
\item distractability
\item aversion to dairy products, wheat gluten, and processed sugars\footnote{The effect on the diets of subjects were noted as outliers and will be discussed in a future study.}
\item unexpected emotional complications, described as a "crush" by several subjects
\item increased redness in cheeks
\item persistent sexual arousal
\item overwhelming desire to dance
\end{compactitem}
\par Although these symptoms continued even after exposure to AR-Long was no longer occurring, no subjects at any exposure level reported that these symptoms were considered negative or harmful. In fact, after any length of exposure, all subjects reported greater feelings of well-being, happiness, and gratitude to the universe as a result of their exposure to AR-Long.
%------------------------------------------------
\section{Results}
\par Using the standard test provided by the CSIA to measure the cupid uptake of other subjects after exposure, the following results were compiled.
\begin{table}[H]
\caption{Subjects Exposed to AR-Long}
\centering
\begin{tabular}{lr}
\toprule
Subjects & Cupids \\
\midrule
Author & $18.5$ \\
J. N. & $8.4$ \\
J. D. & $8.2$ \\
S. R. & $8.1$ \\
L. T. & $7.7$ \\
A. N. & $7.6$ \\
L. C. K. & $7.6$ \\
B. B. & $7.4$ \\
J. P. & $6.2$ \\
\bottomrule
Mean & 8.9 \\
Median & 7.7 \\
\end{tabular}
\end{table}
The resulting cupid uptake of a typical exposure to attractons (as defined by median measurements of the CSIA over time) is 0.32. It is easy to see from the above chart that the cupid uptake that AR-Long's valenton production promotes is well outside of normal range. All other test subjects were measured within the range of 8.4 and 6.2, with 7.7 being the median for all subjects.
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\section{Conclusion}
It can be concluded from all research presented above that \textit{valentons} are observable particles with measurable effects in repeatable, real world conditions. It is believed that the importance of valentons overshadows the recent discovery of the Higgs' boson; therefore, this day of writing shall be declared as an international holiday for the purpose of celebration. It shall henceforth be known as Valentons Day.
\section{Research Message for Subject AR-Long}
\par Subject AR-Long, \textbf{Happy Valentons Day!} You have unabashedly been under heavy observation since the first day you overwhelmed my cupid uptake measurement device with your abundance of high-mass attractons, and this researcher will be very happy to continue to keep you in regular observation for further study.
\par The results of this study clearly show that there is something very special about you, and the effect that you have on this researcher is nothing short of amazing.
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\begin{thebibliography}{99} % Bibliography - this is intentionally simple in this template
\bibitem[Frits Wenneker, 2012]{Wenneker:2012tex}
Template: Frits Wenneker (2012).
\newblock \href{http://www.howtotex.com/templates/two-column-journal-article-template/}{LaTeX Journal Article Template}
\newblock {\em How To Tex}, 2012.
\bibitem[YellowEleven, 2009]{YellowEleven:2009da}
Image: Yellow Eleven
\newblock \href{http://yelloweleven.deviantart.com/art/My-Heart-Under-A-Microscope-112828974}{My Heart Under a Microscope}
\newblock {\em Deviant Art}, 112828974.
\end{thebibliography}
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\end{document}
